A Little Self-Reliance, Please
by Maia Livengood
Growing up in a household that handed out punishments for leaving wet towels on the bedroom floor, I thought my parents were uptight to the point of insanity. I never got in trouble for poor grades, being out past curfew, or numerous other typical parental worries. Granted, I was never the type of kid to cause much concern of that type anyway. Even so, their primary concerns centered entirely on ascertaining my abilities to cook, clean, and make money. My upbringing had one focus: self-reliance. That's not to say that the aforementioned are the primary elements or definition of self-reliance, but that's what my parents valued as most important in my upbringing. I questioned their intentions, I whined and complained about my chores endlessly, but at the end of the day, I learned. Because I know how to throw together a meal, keep track of when laundry needs to be done, and can hunt down a job with relative ease, I always assumed others were equally "prepared." Not the case, as I've found while living with others away from home. I've been shocked to witness the lack of basic hygiene, even. Worst of all was the camp counselor that I shared a cabin with this summer. Zoe was reprimanded on numerous occasions for being a poor role model for the young girls. It wasn't a question of clutter, it was one of sanitation. A few clothes on the floor is one thing, but stale food and dirt is quite another.
Here at school I've been blessed with a nice, well-adjusted roommate. Still, I find that I'm the one taking out the trash and recycling, as well as dusting and vacuuming. Am I an anal neat-freak? No, I just believe in some basic practices and a little grown-up responsibility to make living conditions, well, livable, for all involved. Trust me when I say that no roommate wants to play mommy to the person who's supposed to be an equal in the sense of shared responsibilities. I guarantee that if you're looking for a defense platform when you argue with your children to keep their room clean, tell them their future college friends will be few and far between if they keep a rank bedroom. Nobody appreciates a slob. Even you, boys.
Taking care of oneself is a matter of respect towards both others and yourself. Relying on outsiders to take care of life's basic tasks is not only burdensome to them, it also reflects a poor personal attitude. Most children at some point or another are told that they are lazy ingrates. While this may be true in some cases (mainly ages six through 15), there is probably more to it: I can't believe that individuals are just apathetic in their inconsistencies of personal care to the point of self-detriment. Why, then, do I wander the halls, visiting rooms that contain stale bagels lying on the ground and plastic bottles littering the surfaces? Do people not care enough to take a little time for upkeep? I suggest that the mess is not a matter of indifference and laziness, but rather that teens have simply never been taught beyond a few words of encouragement to clean up. It's hard to grasp the idea that parents are failing their children by not passing on these basic practices for personal well-being, but that's exactly what seems to be happening.
The key here is to motivate your children. If you can instill value in having a great job and encourage your child to do well in school, you can be equally successful in motivating them to stay tidy. Show them the value of a clean room, a well-prepared meal, and a minimum wage job. Best believe that words won't cut it; you'll have to enforce some rules for years despite inevitable protests of many kinds. But once they understand that being able to care and provide for oneself affords dignity, self-esteem, and (dare I say it?) honor, they might not be quite so reluctant to be neat. Zoe wasn't a lazy person; she went above and beyond to ensure that our campers had a great "Walden Experience." What she was never taught, though, was that neatness has value, just like other things. Value motivates us, and being clean has value.
Often parents make the mistake of thinking they are doing their children favors when in fact they are depriving them of the highest form of satisfaction, and it's not limited to cleanliness, either. Loving your child may in fact mean denying rather than appeasing their every wish. Take a little control; learn how to say "No, I won't wash your friends' dirty dishes for you," or "Why don't you learn how to sew it back up" and your children will thank you for it later. I always do.
Maia Livengood is a freshman Business Administration major with concentrations in accounting and operations management. She is also a board game enthusiast.
